Inaccessible Light of the Glory of His Presence
On that late February, 1984, winter night, I lay on my bed crying out to God… immersed in deep sadness and sorrow, intense crying and pain, overwhelming grief and loneliness and broken heartedness. I had only just become the bride of Christ a little more than 2 years prior, on October 17, 1981. And now this was the third night of intense emotional agony. I remember thinking that if Hell were like this…and I knew it was ten thousand times worse, infinitely worse…I couldn’t bear it. The emotional pain was entirely debilitating…I don’t know how I got through the work day. I felt hopeless and helpless…crushed and immobilized by a consuming sense of loss. When I got home in the evening, all I could do was collapse on my bed, crying out to the Lord in utter despair. A whole array of verses from Psalms went through my mind as I just poured out my broken heart to Him.
Quite suddenly…out of nowhere…the Lord walked into my room! I didn’t see Him; my room was just as dark as it was before. But I was so filled with His Presence I felt like my physical body could not contain it; I felt like I was going to explode! I remember exclaiming in awe, “Oh Lord…I can’t bear any more! I feel like I am going to burst!” Not that I wanted Him to leave; I was just expressing how I literally felt…that my human body just could not contain any more of Him and live! At that moment, it didn’t matter to me whether I lived or died…I knew to be absent from the body would be to be present with the Lord!
The inaccessible Light [although there was no literal light] of the Glory of His Presence lasted maybe five or six seconds…but that experience is just as fresh in my memory today as it was in reality those 33 years ago! At that moment… the heretofore unbearable, debilitating emotional pain I had been feeling did not diminish in intensity, nor was it removed. It just became so insignificant and so meaningless in the light of what I had just experienced, that I literally thought, “Who cares!” And from that point on, though the source of the pain was never removed or resolved, it never again mattered to me, nor bothered me. I had seen the Lord; with my own spiritual eyes, I had seen Him! I would never again be the same!
Just one second in the inaccessible Light of the Glory of His Presence…a foretaste of Heaven itself…even now here on Earth is more than enough to wipe every tear from our eyes…all of our sadness and sorrow, mourning, crying, and pain. And in that glorious coming Day, the ransomed of the Lord will return. They will enter Zion with singing; everlasting joy will crown their heads. Gladness and joy will overtake them, and sorrow and sighing will flee away. [Isa 35:10]
Beloved…don’t become discouraged and lose heart! For your light and momentary troubles during this life are achieving for you an eternal glory beyond all measure, excessively surpassing all comparisons and all calculations, a vast and transcendent glory and blessedness never to cease! [Cor 4:16-18] [Day 163]
I don’t know whether in the depths of your heart you really believe there is a God in Heaven or not, but this I do know…my heart was broken in debilitating emotional pain, and then I saw the Lord; with my own eyes I have seen Him! Nothing will ever again be the same as it was before! [Read John 9:1-39] I proclaim to you Christ Jesus…the One Who existed from the beginning, from Eternity Past, Whom I have heard with the ears of my own inner being, and have seen with my own spiritual eyes. I have gazed upon Him and have spiritually touched Him with my own hands. He is the Word of Life. His Life is continually being revealed to me; I have seen it and testify to it, and I proclaim to you that He is the One Who is Eternal Life. He always existed with the Father, and is now continually being manifested afresh and anew to me. I proclaim to you what I have personally seen and heard in the depths of my soul, so that you also may enjoy this same fellowship together with us. The fellowship I continually enjoy is with the Father and with His Son, Christ Jesus. I am writing these things so that you also may fully share together with me in this fullness of joy. [1 John 1:1-4]. It is our birth-right as a child of the Most High God!